What an incredible storyweaving. I never really thought about that particular fire much, but will now! Living in wildfire country, I do think a lot about what to save … it’s always too much, and too impractical, but means something.
That line about your father, and the familiarity of all those who hear “going to the Front” … oof.
Antonia- The thinking of what to save and what to not save is a perpetual dilemma. The thing is, there are things that I don’t cherish now, that I might years later—which has happened before. Things seem to always transform its meaning over time. Are you in a heavily wooded part of Montana? Because during the summer when there’s high wind, fire risks can be quite high.
That’s such a good point that I don’t think about often enough, how what we want in the future might not be what we wanted in the past.
And yes, I’m in the Rocky Mountains, heavily forested. Pretty much everywhere here is in what’s known as the WUI, the woodland-urban interface. Though the grasslands also burn — one of our biggest fires in recent years was 100,000 acres, all on grassland and farmland.
“What to save” can be such a meta-question, from the personal to the societal …
I hear you, Jeanine. I think we all need a bit of break after a long week. On lighter note: I think I just finished all my Halloween candy from last week in the span of 24-hours. 🤣
This is absolutely amazing work. And today being the day after the election, it raises new questions & issues about the ever changing work of American Democracy.
Many many thanks for putting in the work you have with a different view based on a similar past from 200 years ago on the other side of the world. Humanity is more alike than different. This will take me time to unpack but I promise to put in the work & comment periodically. Much love & appreciation
What a terrific story you’ve shared today, Thalia! I really like the way you compared the riots in your home country to 1814 in America. Glad you included the other information about the archive. I’d really like to know what happened to your father the night he went to the front and its effect on you and your family. All so interesting!
Thank you, Thalia! Wow. I'm still wrapping my heart and mind around the power of what you shared. you wove history, your story, reflection, architecture, art, hope, and an invitation to reflection together in a powerful way. I have a big Phoenix tattoo on my left shoulder, partly because I'm a fantasy guy/geek and also think it looks great, but mostly because it reminds me of what you shared at the end. Out of the ashes, after all the "deaths" in our lives, we rise up to soar higher than ever before.
Lang- There’s definitely something about birds that embodies the spirit of the human condition. Its flight, its plight, and so much more. The Phoenix is also one of those magical creatures that just represents all that one could hope for. Was there a particular life event that prompted the tattoo? 🙌🏼
Thalia, as I read your first three sentences, I was reminded of what I was going through when I got the tattoo, and why it was especially important at the time. And then you asked about that! 🫶🏽 It was April 2013 and I was separated from my wife (at her request), living with my parents, hoping we'd reunite (spoiler alert, we didn't). It was perhaps the lowest point in my life. Yet, at the time I was in seminary hoping to be a pastor (which also didn't work out 🤣, at least not in the traditional sense). I bring that up because I'd been divorced before after a brutal 7 month separation, and 7 month reconciliation.
Plus, while engaged with my second wife: during a family friendly hike I freakishly slipped, slid, and plunged 30-feet off a cliff headfirst onto a boulder. The accident didn't kill me, although it should, but it did leave me disabled. What's more it led to me being medically retired from a career in the air force I was quite good at and loved.
I share all that because in both those circumstances, and many-many other smaller ones, I've found the pattern is the same: Death then resurrection, loss then renewal, falling then flying, winter then spring, and so on. What's more, in my experience and understanding, the new life on the other side isn't the same as it was before. It's somehow bigger, bolder, and more beautiful. I felt moved to get the Phoenix then, because I wanted that reminder to be a part of me. In regard to ending of my second marriage and it not working out for me to pastor at a church, the other side of both of those losses is more amazing than I could have dreamed of. Thank you for asking! 🙏🏽
Lang- I appreciate you sharing this to me. They cyclical renewal, with light always on the other side, is always something that keeps us going. I can’t believe you survived that fall. That must’ve been quite the journey of recovery, let alone of traversing through personal depths meant to test some of the strongest among us. A broken relationship is no less difficult of course, and for you to have to come out marvelously in the end—meant that whatever comes next (and for your sake I hope the yolk will be lighter), will be just yet another flight path for the Phoenix. Did you like being in the Air Force? If so, what did you love about it? What did you dislike? 🙏
Thank you for your kind, compassionate, understanding, and affirming words, Thalia! The last 8+ years have largely been spent up soaring in the clouds. In the Air Force I loved the camaraderie and teamwork. I also really enjoyed the strategizing, followed by execution of the plan. The travel was also a joy. I disliked the politics, and the way women were generally viewed. There was very much a "who did she sleep with to get that job/rank" mentality. Thanks for asking!
Lang, I’ve heard multiple times from many people that the camaraderie is definitely one of their favorite things about the Air Force. Was there ever a period of withdrawal after leaving? Which I’d imagine, after years of such close bonds, is bound to happen. And I had no idea about that attitude towards women. How long ago was this? But I shouldn’t be too surprised. A similar comment was directed at me only just five years ago. The world is really bent.
Thalia, thank you for your thoughtful questions and engagement. :) My accident, so last time in the air force, was November 2008. I wouldn't say that treatment of women was wide spread, per se, just something present that bothered me. I'd say at first there was no space for withdrawal, as I was just in healing mode. Then, I choose, for better or worse, to really dive into my new life. So, I'd say there was some withdrawal, but not a huge amount. Unlike when someone retires the regular way, my whole life was upended all at once.
What an incredible storyweaving. I never really thought about that particular fire much, but will now! Living in wildfire country, I do think a lot about what to save … it’s always too much, and too impractical, but means something.
That line about your father, and the familiarity of all those who hear “going to the Front” … oof.
Antonia- The thinking of what to save and what to not save is a perpetual dilemma. The thing is, there are things that I don’t cherish now, that I might years later—which has happened before. Things seem to always transform its meaning over time. Are you in a heavily wooded part of Montana? Because during the summer when there’s high wind, fire risks can be quite high.
That’s such a good point that I don’t think about often enough, how what we want in the future might not be what we wanted in the past.
And yes, I’m in the Rocky Mountains, heavily forested. Pretty much everywhere here is in what’s known as the WUI, the woodland-urban interface. Though the grasslands also burn — one of our biggest fires in recent years was 100,000 acres, all on grassland and farmland.
“What to save” can be such a meta-question, from the personal to the societal …
Stay safe, Antonia. But thankfully the fire season is tapering off for the year. Until next year of course. 🙏
Indeed! It snowed several inches yesterday. Love to see it. ☃️☃️☃️
Helluva day to tell this story Thalia. But as usual it's beautifully carved.
I appreciate it, Bob.
I'd try to save my sanity if everything was on fire -- which it is.
I hear you, Jeanine. I think we all need a bit of break after a long week. On lighter note: I think I just finished all my Halloween candy from last week in the span of 24-hours. 🤣
Oh, I'm with you on the Halloween candy!
This is absolutely amazing work. And today being the day after the election, it raises new questions & issues about the ever changing work of American Democracy.
Many many thanks for putting in the work you have with a different view based on a similar past from 200 years ago on the other side of the world. Humanity is more alike than different. This will take me time to unpack but I promise to put in the work & comment periodically. Much love & appreciation
What a terrific story you’ve shared today, Thalia! I really like the way you compared the riots in your home country to 1814 in America. Glad you included the other information about the archive. I’d really like to know what happened to your father the night he went to the front and its effect on you and your family. All so interesting!
Andrew- Good to hear you enjoyed the essay, including the personal story. 🙌🏼
What a moving and evocative essay! Thank you!
Glad it resonates, David! 🙌🏼
Thank you, Thalia! Wow. I'm still wrapping my heart and mind around the power of what you shared. you wove history, your story, reflection, architecture, art, hope, and an invitation to reflection together in a powerful way. I have a big Phoenix tattoo on my left shoulder, partly because I'm a fantasy guy/geek and also think it looks great, but mostly because it reminds me of what you shared at the end. Out of the ashes, after all the "deaths" in our lives, we rise up to soar higher than ever before.
Lang- There’s definitely something about birds that embodies the spirit of the human condition. Its flight, its plight, and so much more. The Phoenix is also one of those magical creatures that just represents all that one could hope for. Was there a particular life event that prompted the tattoo? 🙌🏼
Thalia, as I read your first three sentences, I was reminded of what I was going through when I got the tattoo, and why it was especially important at the time. And then you asked about that! 🫶🏽 It was April 2013 and I was separated from my wife (at her request), living with my parents, hoping we'd reunite (spoiler alert, we didn't). It was perhaps the lowest point in my life. Yet, at the time I was in seminary hoping to be a pastor (which also didn't work out 🤣, at least not in the traditional sense). I bring that up because I'd been divorced before after a brutal 7 month separation, and 7 month reconciliation.
Plus, while engaged with my second wife: during a family friendly hike I freakishly slipped, slid, and plunged 30-feet off a cliff headfirst onto a boulder. The accident didn't kill me, although it should, but it did leave me disabled. What's more it led to me being medically retired from a career in the air force I was quite good at and loved.
I share all that because in both those circumstances, and many-many other smaller ones, I've found the pattern is the same: Death then resurrection, loss then renewal, falling then flying, winter then spring, and so on. What's more, in my experience and understanding, the new life on the other side isn't the same as it was before. It's somehow bigger, bolder, and more beautiful. I felt moved to get the Phoenix then, because I wanted that reminder to be a part of me. In regard to ending of my second marriage and it not working out for me to pastor at a church, the other side of both of those losses is more amazing than I could have dreamed of. Thank you for asking! 🙏🏽
Lang- I appreciate you sharing this to me. They cyclical renewal, with light always on the other side, is always something that keeps us going. I can’t believe you survived that fall. That must’ve been quite the journey of recovery, let alone of traversing through personal depths meant to test some of the strongest among us. A broken relationship is no less difficult of course, and for you to have to come out marvelously in the end—meant that whatever comes next (and for your sake I hope the yolk will be lighter), will be just yet another flight path for the Phoenix. Did you like being in the Air Force? If so, what did you love about it? What did you dislike? 🙏
Thank you for your kind, compassionate, understanding, and affirming words, Thalia! The last 8+ years have largely been spent up soaring in the clouds. In the Air Force I loved the camaraderie and teamwork. I also really enjoyed the strategizing, followed by execution of the plan. The travel was also a joy. I disliked the politics, and the way women were generally viewed. There was very much a "who did she sleep with to get that job/rank" mentality. Thanks for asking!
Lang, I’ve heard multiple times from many people that the camaraderie is definitely one of their favorite things about the Air Force. Was there ever a period of withdrawal after leaving? Which I’d imagine, after years of such close bonds, is bound to happen. And I had no idea about that attitude towards women. How long ago was this? But I shouldn’t be too surprised. A similar comment was directed at me only just five years ago. The world is really bent.
Thalia, thank you for your thoughtful questions and engagement. :) My accident, so last time in the air force, was November 2008. I wouldn't say that treatment of women was wide spread, per se, just something present that bothered me. I'd say at first there was no space for withdrawal, as I was just in healing mode. Then, I choose, for better or worse, to really dive into my new life. So, I'd say there was some withdrawal, but not a huge amount. Unlike when someone retires the regular way, my whole life was upended all at once.