Royal bedroom fight on Halloween

And the two bulls that got caught in between

If you’re a King and Queen in the bedroom, what would you fight about?

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Hi, everyone-

The weird thing about a fight, is that most people don’t know how it started. And each person is convinced that the other started it.

For an Irish king and queen, it’s likely not that different. There are different versions of this story. But as I understand it, it goes something like this:

Maeve and her husband Ailill were probably just finishing their stew. Which normally warmed their open air ringfort complex in the evenings. Except that night, Ailill’s eyes were narrowed. Maeve made a comment earlier that he didn’t like. And across the open heart fire, his eyes met Maeve’s. At this point, she had just stood up and began walking toward the main dwelling.

The Irish ringforts that Ailill and Maeve would’ve lived in, typically would be circular (top row). In contrast, the Roman Republic, who eventually invaded their lands, opted for elliptical rings in their Colosseum. For them, the objective is the interior spectacle. For the Irish ringforts, it’s the opposite. The inside watches the hills outside. [Data: University of Rome & University of Belfast}

In front of Maeve’s seat, was the open fire, which was turning her half-eaten pile of brown stew hard into an even more brown mound of something else.

Ailill stood up. His eyes looked at Maueve’s bowl. Then the opening to the main dwelling. Then his bowl. Then the opening again. And after seconds of thought, he walked towards the opening.

The evening breeze across the ringfort complex still carried the smell of charred wood from that week’s bonfire some hills over. They were celebrating the All-Hallows-Eve festival on a hill his father and his grandfathers all had attended since they were wee boys. This had always been a gathering of the people to celebrate the end of harvest before winter arrives.

Which used to bring Ailill and Maeve together.

By modern standards, ringforts are by no means lavish or large. One ringfort was typically between 25-50 meters (82-164 feet) in diameter. That’s about the length of two average modern American houses side by side. The bedroom would’ve been a shared space within the singular open-floor plan, which is also for the living area. [Illustration: Ratcroghan Visitor Centre. CC0 1.0, remix]

Ailill’s mind was elsewhere as he walked towards the house. It thought about:

• That time when Maeve whispered something kind about Ailill’s weathered hand—after the battle where he lost hundreds of men. And about …

• That time when he enveloped her waist from behind after everyone’s gone.

• Then of course, there’s the time when he saw her for the first time. Why does everything have to look magnificent when there’s fire?

But right now, as he walked into the main dwelling, he saw fire of a different kind. An oil lamp was lit, alright. But Maeve was sitting across the room. Not too far from where he’s standing.

Ailill felt a chill much like the ones he felt before every battle he lost.

It was only October 31st.

When Maeve saw her husband at the opening, she stood up. Without taking her eyes off him, she took a few steps forward. Like two alphas very much aware that they’re in each other’s territory, the steps are delicate.

Quiet.

Too quiet.

He mirrored her movement by taking a few steps forward. Toward where she stood. Then, her turn. His turn, again. A few more times. Until the two are standing only a few feet apart from each other.

From this distance, it’s hard to feign calm. Least of all in front of someone who knew your face better than yourself.

Then, someone opened their mouth: